Evan and Sam set off to assist Evan's mother in moving from her old house to a new one in a different province. They plan to be away for a week, leaving Cookie in charge of the house. Evan wants to test Cookie's ability to take on responsibility. While they are away, Killy struggles with a bully at school. With her parents gone, she sees an opportunity to ask Cookie for help in standing up to the bully.
FADE IN:
EXT. THE HOUSE - DAY
We see Cookie and Sam in the driveway fit a few things into the trunk of the car and close it.
CUT TO:
INT. THE HOUSE - MUDROOM - DAY
Cookie and Sam enter the house so everyone can say goodbye. Evan and Sam get ready with their carry ons.
Cookie pretends to dust off his hands to signify his work and joins the other three siblings standing across from Evan.
EVAN
If you can...please try to get to bed by ten?
SAM
And if anything happens just light your candle.
EVAN
-and! Remember to light out any candles before you leave the house or go to sleep...
CHUCK
Yeah, yeah we're not babies!
EVAN
I know... we should be back in a week- oh and, Chuck, here’s your inhaler.
From a fabric bag he hands Chuck his inhaler as he continues.
EVAN
Killy, here’s your melatonin and gummy vitamins. One a day, alright?
Killy nods as Evan hands her two plastic bottles.
EVAN
And Ted,
He looks a bit more serious as he reaches deeper into the bag.
EVAN
Here’s my swiss army knife.
Killy and Chuck gasp in jealousy. Ted admires it in his hand.
KILLY
Aw man!
CHUCK
Huh, what?
Chuck looks back and forth, almost in disbelief and confusion.
TED
Woah, cool!
Ted opens the knife to display many useful tools.
EVAN
Alright, calm down. It’s only for emergencies.
SAM
Let’s hurry before traffic gets bad.
Sam heads outside with Evan to follow. Before he leaves he turns back to the siblings.
EVAN
Also, Cookie is in charge.
CHUCK
What?! Why Cookie??
EVAN
Because he’s the oldest! And I want to test him. Bye, love you!
Evan closes the door and they’re on their way. Cookie stands behind the three siblings with a blank stare. He knew he was being put in charge but the reaction from his younger siblings does not put him at ease. He looks at them almost with guilt.
TED
Great, we're gonna starve and die.
The siblings all turn around to look at Cookie.
CHUCK
Cookie, do you even know what humans eat?
COOKIE
I dunno, cake?
KILLY
Cake! You got it, thank goodness! Especially strawberry shortcake, okay?
Cookie writes it down in his notepad while nodding, looking determined. There is some silence while he writes until he is finished. He looks up from his notepad to the group.
COOKIE
What's melatonin?
CUT TO:
The music video for "How to Be Super Funny" plays.
CUT TO:
INT. THE HOUSE - KILLY’S ROOM - MORNING
The screen is black and slowly fades into the scene. We see Killy sleeping peacefully when from the corner of the screen, Cookie creeps in.
COOKIE
(Whispering)
Killy! Hey, Killy.
Killy slightly opens her eyes looking very tired.
COOKIE
WAKE UP THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!!
Killy lets out a scream as she stumbles out of bed and falls on the floor.
COOKIE
Kidding! Next person!
He sprints out of the room and up the stairs. We see from the door frame Chuck walk by. You can assume by his appearance that he was woken up the same way. He looks up the stairs as in the distance from upstairs you can hear a door almost slam open.
COOKIE(Off screen)
TED WAKE UP THERE'S A TORNADO!!!!
TED
(Also off screen)
AAAAHH!!!!!
CUT TO:
KITCHEN
Chuck and Killy are already seated at the kitchen island watching Cookie prepare something. They’re both eating cereal. Ted, rubbing his eyes, joins them. Cookie places paper bags in front of them, each with their names on them. The siblings look through the bags, a bit cautiously. Inside are a few random snacks, even sandwiches for each of them.
CHUCK
Not bad Cookie, you actually made us lunch!
TED
Hey the-there’s a finger in mine!
Ted holds it up in disgust and fear. Cookie swipes it from his hand in a bit of relief. You can see his middle finger missing.
COOKIE
Thanks, I was wondering where that went.
The siblings exchange fearful and shocked looks.
CUT TO:
MUDROOM
The siblings are all dressed with their bags and are ready to leave for school. Cookie stands in the mudroom with them to say goodbye. He puts Killy's hat on her head and makes sure it's on tight like a child.
Killy puts her hand on the door handle but then remembers something vital.
KILLY
Cookie, how are you gonna get us to school? You don’t drive.
COOKIE
Huh? How do you usually get to school?
TED
Did Evan not tell you he drives us?
Cookie takes out his notebook and quickly flips through it. As he does you can see most pages are just doodles. He starts to look nervous and worried. The siblings look tired as they all lean waiting for his response.
COOKIE
Uhm, Uhm, oh!
The siblings' attention comes back wondering what he has in mind. They look a bit worried though.
CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY
Cookie is now in travel form with the siblings on his back. He jumps up and down as he takes them to school. Chuck and Ted cheer and laugh while Killy holds on for dear life as they run and jump down the sidewalk and to school, fading away into the distance from the camera.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY
Killy is walking down the hallway trying to fix her hair, putting her hair clips back in after the wild ride when she sees her friend Chira. Chira is taking a few books out of her locker before class starts.
KILLY
Hey Chira! I left my phone at home, what time is it?
CHIRA
It’s like 8 something? You’re so early today!
KILLY
(Turns to the hallway)
It’s so empty! I wish I was early every day!
Suddenly, an arm comes in from beside her and smashes her into a locker.
CAZ
You’re in the way, roach.
He walks off a bit smug, giggling to himself while Killy tries to get back up.
CHIRA
You better start running unless you want your face imprinted on the floor!
Caz looks back in fear as she yells this to him and runs off down the hallway after she finished her threat.
KILLY
Ugh, thanks.
CHIRA (Helping Killy get back on her feet)
He just doesn’t know when to quit. Don’t worry about it though. It’s not your fault. He just wants to piss off Alfie.
KILLY
I guess I shouldn’t tell him then.
CUT TO:
INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN
Cookie is washing dishes. He scrubs a plate with a sponge but a spot doesn’t come off. He scrubs it again with more gusto, still nothing. He scrubs so hard with all his might he breaks the plate in half. He panics for a second observing how it split in two clacking the two halves back together. His eyes widen as he simply puts the two pieces to the side as if nothing happened. The doorbell rings.
CUT TO:
MUDROOM
Cookie opens the door to a lady with a briefcase. She has long straight cut hair and rectangular glasses. She looks a bit professional.
LADY
Good morning sir! Would you be interested in trying and even possibly buying some essential oils for your household?
Cookie, intrigued, leans on the door.
COOKIE
That depends, can I use these oils to grease myself up and slide down a tube?
He looks like he's explaining something important with his hands out and eyes kinda wide.
The lady doesn’t say anything and stares.
LADY
What?
COOKIE
What?
There’s a bit of an awkward silence. The lady picks up her briefcase and opens it to display a few vials in pretty colors.
LADY
Uhm,I have these amazing oils with just the most relaxing aromas that can lead you to great health and peace! This one here has the potential to cure you of any chronic ailments!
She points to a lavender vial.
LADY
And this one can increase your intelligence by 65%! They can open your eyes and help you contain mindfulness.
She points to a peppermint vial. Cookie nods as if he knows what they're talking about while he reaches for his wallet.
COOKIE
How much?
LADY
I can give you both of these for 30!
Cookie hands her two tens and two fives and she hands him the vials. He opens the lavender one and takes a drink.
LADY
Sir! That’s not how you-
COOKIE
Oh GOD! You could at least give it a better flavor! Tastes like soap! Ee-YUCK!
He starts gagging and coughing as he falls to his knees in front of her. She simply stares in disbelief.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - BATHROOM
Killy washes her hands, while Chira seems to be doodling something on a bathroom stall door.
CHIRA
Psst- Killy! Look! I drew a cat.
There is a slightly crude and simple drawing of a cute cartoon cat. It has the writing Meow! Meow! Around it.
KILLY
Woah! That's cool! But, Isn’t that vandalism?
CHIRA
It’s not vandalism if it’s art, Killy. Besides, it's a message of joy to anyone who sees it.
Killy dries her hands and wipes them on her sweater.
KILLY
Then, let me draw something!
Chira hands the pencil over to Killy who rushes over. Killy looks deep in focus and doodles an equally goofy drawing of a bunny with the writing, "BE HAPPY NOW!"
CHIRA
Kinda aggressive...
KILLY
Huh?!
In worry, she looks back and forth at the drawing and Chira as if to figure something out.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - HALLWAY
They all sit in their favorite corner in the hallway. It’s right by a window where the sun shines through and is usually not walked past often. They pick from fries and chicken nuggets. Alfie eats his hotdog, Grub is slurping on a jelly fruit cup while Killy eats the sandwich from her lunch bag. It’s her favorite too, Strawberry Jam and Sliced Chicken. Chira seems to be playing something on her phone sipping from a thermos.
ALFIE
Hey, you ever burp and taste a food you know you haven't had recently?
Killy slowly turns to Alfie and backs away from him, a bit of disgust in her face.
Hilda suddenly walks past them in the hall then stops.
HILDA
O.M.G. GUYS!
ALFIE
Hi Hilda, what’s up?
HILDA
It’s Caz! He’s been picking on me all week! And he just stole the CD’s I was gonna bring to the trade! He says that you have to get them back for me!
ALFIE
Hilda...
Alfie stands up and puts a hand on Hilda’s shoulder.
ALFIE
Don’t worry.
Hilda looks hopeful for Alfie to help her.
ALFIE
You can always buy new ones. :)
Hilda’s smile turns instantly into a glare. She shoves Alfie’s hand off her shoulder and stomps on his foot.
ALFIE
OW!
HILDA
Pathetic! I’ll just do it myself!
Hilda storms off while Alfie looks in shock.
KILLY (a bit scared)
I-I guess we’ll have to have the trade another time, but what are we supposed to do? C-Confront him?
ALFIE
(Shrugging)
Something.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY - END OF SCHOOL DAY
Grub is showing a video on his phone to Killy and Chira. You can hear low quality circus music coming from the phone.
KILLY
When does he throw the cake?
GRUB
Just watch wait, THERE!
CHIRA
I didn’t see, go back.
Alfie walks up to them, he looks rather disheveled and beat up. Killy looks up from the phone noticing him but she screams in fear scaring the others.
KILLY
AH!! Oh, Haha, it’s just Alfie.
GRUB
Woah, what happened to you.
ALFIE (Completely exhausted and breathless)
I did something. I confronted him, and then he beat me up. He said I should be ashamed for not letting a girl fight for herself.
GRUB (slamming his face on his locker)
This guy is never gonna leave us alone!it’s hopeless!
KILLY
Ah-uhm, It’s okay! I mean, Caz must have a reason for wanting to mess with Alfie. We should find out why.
ALFIE
Look, I’m pretty sure I hit my cap on how many times I can insult someone’s mother with that guy. Whatever I did, I can’t undo it.
CHIRA
And now he’s getting under our skin because you can't talk it out or something?
ALFIE
As if Caz understands talking it out! Besides, have you ever tried to fight back?
KILLY
He once sprayed me with pesticide. :(
ALFIE
Exactly! We’re all weak!
GRUB
Hey! I can eat an entire pizza slice in one bite!
ALFIE
(frustrated, annoyed and impatient)
That'll show him. Eating a pizza in front of his face!
He punches the locker in front of him only to go OW! And rub his fist in pain. Grub ponders for a moment, probably imagining it.
KILLY (Jumping slightly up and down in excitement)
Well if we can’t fight him we should find someone else who could!
ALFIE
Why don’t you ask your older brothers?
KILLY
(Slowly sounding more angry and as if she’s about to cry)
Uhmm well, They’re mean to me but they don’t fight with fists... They use that energy to think of very genius and personal hard hitting insults that take me weeks to recover! *deep breath* Except for Cookie, he just steals my stuff.
GRUB
Can he...punch...someone?
KILLY
Probably, one time he thought he saw a spider on the wall and accidentally punched a hole in it.I don’t know if a spider was actually there to begin with but it definitely isn’t anymore.
Grub and Alife smirk at each other, sharing a new idea.
KILLY (Looking at them back and forth)
Wha-...Ohhhh...
CUT TO:
INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN
Cookie is coughing and gagging a bit still. He stumbles to the fridge but finds nothing of interest. He looks up and notices bottles on the top shelves. He looks at the label in a bit of confusion. Pulls off the cork, sniffs and thinks, "Eh, why not." He takes a sip, pulls the bottle away to look at it once more and resumes drinking, but more aggressively, almost chugging.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - CLUB ROOM
Chuck is leaning, slightly turning back and forth in a teacher's chair, he looks very unamused. Sitting around him in chairs is Lenny, Fern, and Carly. Carly is seen tuning an acoustic guitar.
CHUCK
Do you guys think I could pull off a moustache?
Carly quickly looks up from what she was doing.
CARLY
What? God no.
LENNY
I think you could do it.
CHUCK
Right?
Suddenly Ted barges into the classroom.
TED
Ugh, finally! Chuck, I was looking all over for you!
CHUCK
Uhm, hello?? We’re in the middle of a club meeting?
TED
Well it’s almost home time and I can’t get my locker open.
CHUCK
Uuuuuuughhhh!!!!!
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - HALLWAY, TED’S LOCKER
Chuck is fiddling with Ted’s lock while Ted is on his flip phone, looking pretty bored.
CHUCK (Through his teeth)
God, why make something so confusing-
TED
Try all the way around first and second time-
Killy arrives in a bit of a rush.
KILLY (Clinging to Ted)
Hey, what’s going on?
TED
Go catch the bus! We’ll just be late.
She makes her way down the hall to leave, waving a big goodbye. Ted gives a small goodbye wave back.
KILLY
See you at home!
CUT TO:
EXT. THE HOUSE - FRONT YARD
We see Killy who has arrived at the house now. She rushes inside in a hurry.
CUT TO:
INT. THE HOUSE - MAIN ROOM (FRONT)
Killy scurries to Cookie who she sees in the Kitchen leaning on the island.
KILLY
Cookie! I need your help!
Cookie slowly, sloppily turns to her. He's pretty wasted.He walks to the dining room closer to her.
KILLY(in a fast and babbly fashion)
There’s this guy at our school who is constantly picking on everyone, especially my friend Alfie, and everyone blames Alfie for his bad behavior because of how they fought in the past and he’s so relentless and ruining our day and hurting our friends, he beats Alfie up all in the face, he only knows violence, and we need someone strong to stand up for us so do you think you can talk some type of physical- or just mental- sense to him so he’ll leave us alone?
There’s a pause for a moment,Killy catches her breath while waiting for Cookie’s response.
COOKIE (Drunkenly)
You...eeh...yes.
KILLY
*Gasp* Thanks Cookie!
She hugs his torso then runs off to her room. Cookie leans on the dining room table watching her leave.
COOKIE
...thank *hic* you...
He leans on the table a bit too much, sending it crashing down with him and a few items that were on top.
CUT TO:
INT. THE HOUSE - MAIN ROOM (FRONT)
Chuck and Ted have finally arrived home. They look rather tired.
CHUCK
I can’t believe I did all that for a sharpener.
TED
This thing is amazing, I can’t believe I put it in there in the first place.
They stop, noticing the table knocked over and Cookie lying on the floor, seemingly asleep.
CHUCK
Yo, Cookie... you good?
Ted walks into the kitchen and notices Dad’s alcohol cabinet open and rummaged through as well as an opened bottle on the kitchen counter. He quickly turns back to Chuck.
TED
Oh my god CHUCK! HE GOT INTO THE ALCOHOL!
Chuck looks over at the cabinets and back at Cookie, he then proceeds to burst out laughing.
CHUCK
BWAHAAHAHA!! WAIT- DON’T MOVE I’M TAKING A PICTURE AND SENDING TO DAD!
Cookie wakes up from the laughter.
COOKIE
Eyuck...uuuughhr.....
Ted tries to help him up but it’s not doing much as Cookie leans on him, almost tipping him over.
TED
Ugh- Cookie you reek. What happened?
CHUCK (Opening the camera on the phone)
That's just how he always smells.
COOKIE
I don’t know... I drank this...oil... a lady with a briefcase gave me...but it tasted awful, so I found this even better oil! And then Killy walked in...and she said something about violence and then I fell asleep.
CHUCK (Taking a picture of Cookie with a phone)
Hold on, stay there. I wanna get a good shot. Haha...Oh man you’re never being put in charge again! And as the second oldest, I’ll be in charge!
Ted switches from caring for Cookie to a horrified expression on his face to Chuck. Ted slaps Chuck’s phone out of his hand because he doesn’t want Chuck in charge, ever.
CHUCK
Hey! That was your phone.
Ted looks at the floor and realizes it is.
TED (Squinting angrily)
Hey!...
COOKIE
Guys...please don’t tell Evan. He’d do worse than remove my responsibilities. He’d kick me out of my shed!
Chuck feels a bit sorry for him and gives up.
CHUCK
*Sigh* Fine, but no more alcohol ever in your life.
COOKIE (Trying to regain his balance)
Don’t worry guys! I’ll be the best temporary dad ever! The first day doesn’t count! *HUCK*
…
There is a sudden pause, waiting if he’ll actually throw up. He swallows instead as he turns sour.
COOKIE
Double drink.
Ted and Chuck look at each other in disgust.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE HOUSE - BACKYARD
The sun is out shining bright in the morning into Cookie’s shed. Cookie tries hard to wake up, he tries to reach for the alarm clock but knocks EVERYTHING else off his nightstand, it’s pretty chaotic. He goes to each room to wake up the kids. He starts with Chuck’s. He turns on the light leading Chuck to roll over and take cover under the blankets. He walks into Killy’s room and flickers the lights leading Killy to go “eeeeeYAAAARHHH” while covering her eyes and writhing. He then goes to Ted’s room but turning on the light does nothing. He flickers it. Still nothing. He looks into the bed to see that Ted isn't even there. He looks around to be jumpscared by Ted who is already awake, he’s even holding a mug of coffee, looking a bit interested and confused at what Cookie is doing but Cookie stands there clutching his heart and breathing heavily from fear. They eat cereal for breakfast.
He takes them to school, they jump up and down cheering, Him waving goodbye to them at the school and then the moms dropping off their children admiring Cookie, He looks a bit put off at all the eyes. After school, they’re eating outside a supermarket on a bench and Cookie swallows a raw fish whole in front of the kids who look rather disgusted and have lost their appetite.
Clip after clip of him turning on the lights to the rooms in the morning. They all hide, put their pillows over their eyes. Maybe even fighting him and him trying to pull Killy out of her bed while she kicks in anger. Cookie is hovering over Chuck and yelling at him to wake up and shakes him to no avail.
Another morning where Cookie attempts to make french toast. He flips it into the air, the siblings watch in amazement, it falls on the floor, Chuck and Ted look at it on the floor with a gasp. Killy runs out of her chair to eat it off the floor but Cookie pulls her back looking a bit eeee disgusted and strained shaking his head in disagreement.
all of them brushing their teeth together, cramped in the bathroom, Killy trying to do her hair and Chuck putting on eyeliner. A scene where Ted and Cookie are going clothing shopping (A store like Value village) Ted and Cookie flip through the rows of shirts, Cookie picks out a shirt from the rack and looks at it thinking it looks cool but he turns it over and it says something like Girlboss or Baby Mama Drama. (You see the back print when he pulls it out of the rack, then it faces Ted who sees it until he finally turns it around to see it himself) Ted just gives kind of a eeee er… face and Cookie stares at the shirt, he doesn’t want it anymore. Just something you don’t want to wear on a shirt. Him watching Killy and Chira playing music very loudly in her room with Chira on the microphone and Killy on her guitar jumping on the bed.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - HALLWAY
Killy, Grub, Chira, Alife, and Hilda are all sitting together at lunch. They all sit in silence watching Grub play his recorder. It isn’t horrendous but it isn’t good either.
GRUB
Remember that when you go to sleep at night.
ALFIE (To Killy)
Hey, what did your brother say about helping us?
KILLY
Huh, helping us with that?
ALFIE
...Caz?
KILLY
Oh yah! We just need to find a way to meet and Cookie can beat the bejesus out of- you know as I’m saying this I feel bad.
ALFIE
Don’t feel bad- he deserves it! Get some sense knocked into him like he knocked stupid into me!
CHIRA
So, when should we meet? After school?
GRUB
How are we gonna get him to come?
ALFIE
He's got a stupid crush on Chira. Maybe we can give him a fake love letter or something.
CHIRA
UHM, I’m not doing that Alife, I’m not BAIT. Just tell him you want a rematch.
HILDA
Are you gonna get my CDs back?
ALFIE
*Sigh* YAH! Of course, god.
Hilda’s smile turns sour again, almost unamused at Alfie.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE HOUSE - BACKYARD - COOKIE’S SHED
INT. COOKIE’S SHED
COOKIE
Here it is! My humble abode!
CHUCK
Woah…
TED
Hey- that’s my DSI!
CHUCK (Holding a small tube of Guitar polish/cleaner)
What the heck? I just bought another of these because I lost this one!
Chuck shoves it in Cookie’s face to express his anger, hoping Cookie would take note of it but Cookie simply stares.
KILLY
Hey my diary!
COOKIE (walking past her to the other side of the shed)
Oh you can have that, it's really boring. (Pointing to designated items, then jumps on to the bed) That's my bed, my snack corner, and that's my pee corner.
Pointing to a corner where Ted is standing. Ted yelps and jumps into Chuck's arms who can barely hold him.
COOKIE
Haha! Just kidding, I do that outside in the bushes.
KILLY
You know we have a bathroom inside, right?
Cookie doesn't listen and continues showing items he's collected (/stolen)
COOKIE
We’ve got cool art, (Clearly Ted and Killy’s drawings, the drawings even have their names on them) awesome lighting. (Some christmas lights strung around)
COOKIE
And this!
Cookie holds up a jar with a pickled human head inside.
(talking over each other)
TED
Jesus fuck!
KILLY (With fear)
Omigosh omigosh omigosh!
CHUCK
What the hell?
KILLY
Who is that? Where did you get that?
COOKIE
It was a wedding gift. :)
CUT TO:
INT. ALFIE’S HOUSE - BATHROOM
Alfie turns on his sink in front of him. He is in his bathroom trying to tend to his black eye. He looks in the mirror for a second, looking defeated. He straightens up, trying to look tougher. turns off the sink.
ALFIE
ye…you-You! You wanna fight, huh? You wanna get- beaten up??!!
He throws his fists in the air as if he’s punching a ghost.
ALFIE (now shouting)
Yah! TAke THAT! And THAT!-
Suddenly, Clara knocks on the door.
CLARA
Honey….are you fighting with the mirror again?
Alfie stands for a second, still in a battle stance.
ALFIE:
…NO!
He looks back in the mirror and starts to tear up. He runs out of the bathroom crying, covering his face while running past his mom. Still in his towel, he runs upstairs to his room. Runs to his shelf, looking for a specific CD labeled "emotional mix by Killy :) ♡". Still crying, he puts it in the CD player. He presses a button. He sits back on his bed, clutching a pillow still crying...he watches the CD player, waiting for it to play the CD but it starts playing たまごっち, a happy upbeat song instead. Alfie tries to change it but stops crying.
ALFIE
Uh- sh- hold o- Ah Whatever, too late.
CUT TO:
EXT. FOREST BEHIND THE HOUSE
Beautiful, peaceful, and serene establishing shot of a forest, focused on the tops of the trees and the sky above. Suddenly a Close up of Killy in peril , shaking in fear. Holding on to a tree as a gorge slowly approaches.
KILLY(Shaky)
G-g-g-guys--w-w-w-w-what do I d-do-do???
Ted and Cookie watch behind a log on a small hill. Ted shakes with fear while Cookie watches with some sort of focus and thought.
TED
Play dead! No- NO, Make yourself appear larger! Or- RUN AWAY!
COOKIE
Killy, listen! In the front pocket of your backpack is a large slab of raw lamb meat. Throw it to me! I don’t want the gorge to eat it. It’s mine.
KILLY
Huh?! No wonder it’s after me!
Why is it in my backpack?!
COOKIE
Well why ya think? I packed it in case I got hungry and I didn’t want to lug it around myself!
KILLY
You will be the reason I DIE today!
COOKIE
It’s not my fault you wanted to go walk in a forest!
You people are insane.
TED
Who cares?! DO SOMETHING!
Cookie climbs over the log "so over it" and is sluggish while Ted hides behind.
COOKIE
uuuuuugghhh… Babysitting stinks!
Cookie slowly approaches the gorge which then focuses on him instead of Killy. It then holds a deathly stare on Cookie, starting to get agitated and quietly growling. Then- it lunges at Cookie with its jaw open! Cookie holds the top and bottom jaws open as its mouth comes closer to his face.
COOKIE
Ah- gross! This thing’s got no teeth! It’s all gums!
He grabs the snout and puts it in a chokehold and wrestles it to the ground.
COOKIE
GRRRR- CHOKEHOOOOLD!!!!
KILLY
HUUUHH?!?!?!
He flips it over him, hitting its head on the ground.
COOKIE
SUUUPLEEXX!!!!
Killy and Ted look on in horror as he starts to bite into it while the thing bites into him. Punching it as if it does something.
COOKIE
TAKE THIS YOU GIANT WORM!!
Killy hops off the tree and grabs Ted to run off.
KILLY
Forest walk is over!
They look back to Cookie who is still wrestling the gorge.
TED
Cookie, come on!!
KILLY
LET'S JUST RUN!!
Cookie, now being choked by the creature's tough body.
COOKIE
Urk- g-gimme a sec! Ack!
TED
Killy! The lamb meat!
KILLY
Oh!
Killy opens the front pocket of her backpack and throws the lamb meat. She initially wanted to throw it beside the gorge so that it would distract it from Cookie but along with Killy’s bad throw, It’s frozen and slams right into the gorge's face knocking it out. It slumps down and lets Cookie down and he catches his breath.
Cookie slowly picks the package of meat from in front of the creature. He still wants to eat it. Wrapping each arm around Ted and Killy on either side of him he confidently walks off.
COOKIE
If it wasn’t for me you’d guys would’ve gotten eaten!
The siblings look unamused and utterly exhausted.
CUT TO:
INT. THE HOUSE - TED’S ROOM
Ted is rummaging through his room looking for something. He checks the closet in the hallway and then heads to the garage. Ted walks into the garage but finds Chuck instead. He's lounging on the arm chair with his electric guitar. He notices Ted before he can leave. Ted wanted to leave quickly, not having to interact with Chuck. He winces when Chuck calls out.
CHUCK
Ted! Check this out.
He plays a little riff on the guitar.
CHUCK
What do you think?
TED
Do you take constructive criticism?
Chuck looks straight at him, mostly emotionless with a hint of no amusement.
CHUCK
No.
Ted leaves and continues his search.
TED
Have you guys seen the clear tape?
Killy and Cookie are sitting in the living room watching TV. Some funny surreal show.
KILLY
Sam had it last.
TED
You gotta be kidding. What does a dream entity need tape for?
COOKIE (Still watching TV)
Just check his room.
Killy looks at Cookie and then Ted in fear as Ted looks a bit scared too. Upstairs Ted stands in front of his door, dreadfully. He opens it and slowly peeks in...All we see is Sam’s room. It is an impossibly endless and ancient looking hallway that seems to go for miles into darkness. A wind and a howl from the distance as if something was coming towards him.
Ted quickly slams the door closed. The fear and shock in his face is indescribable. He looks absolutely disgusted. Ted puts on his jacket and leaves the house with his skateboard as Killy and Cookie watch him.
TED
I'm just gonna buy more tape.
Killy’s phone rings. She has a pretty quirky low quality ringtone. She picks it up and it’s Grub. You don’t hear Grub but you can guess what he’s saying through what Killy is saying.
KILLY
Hi Grub… How’d you manage that? How’d you do that?! Oh… so after school? Haha, awesome! *hangs up*
She hangs up.
KILLY
Cookie, after school tomorrow, you can stand up to Caz for us!
COOKIE (Still watching TV)
AHAHA!! (Laughing at the show) Huh, what's up?
KILLY
I want you to pick us up from school tomorrow, and confront the guy who’s been bullying us.
COOKIE
Okay, sounds fun.
Killy doesn’t say anything, she just smiles and the scene ends.
CUT TO:
INT. THE SCHOOL - HALLWAY
It’s the end of the school day, Killy is at her locker calling Cookie. She’s standing with Ted and Chuck. Ted and Chuck are chatting about who knows what.
TED
It’s called a T-Shirt because it’s shaped like a T.
CHUCK
It’s called a T-Shirt because it has short arms like a T-Rex.
KILLY(On the phone with Cookie)
Hiii, you can pick us up nowww.
TED
Are we gonna let her use our brother as a bodyguard or...?
CHUCK
I dunno, let him dig his own grave by going along with it.
Killy hangs up, being finished talking to Cookie.
KILLY
Are you guys gonna stay and watch? We’re going to the mall after.
CHUCK
I can record it and add it to my funny Cookie compilation. It's already got half an hour worth of stuff.
Chuck shows a funny clip of Cookie on his phone,
Video: Cookie in the park eating ice cream cone.
Off screen: “Look out!”
And then he gets hit in the face with a soccer ball.
TED
Why were you recording?
CHUCK
Yeah, we’ll stay and watch.
From down the hall sprints Grub.
GRUB(A bit breathless from running)
Kills! Hey, I brought the pizza just in case.
He holds a singular loose pizza slice in his hand. Ted and Chuck stare in confusion.
CUT TO:
EXT. BEHIND THE SCHOOL
standing on one side walking to the area is Chira, Alfie, Killy, Hilda, Grub, Cookie, Ted, and Chuck. Across from them is Caz who seems cocky enough to arrive alone. He was waiting there, leaning on the wall.
CAZ
You brought your big brothers because you can’t fight for yourself?
KILLY
We don’t want to fight! We want to make ame-
Alfie shoves his hand in her face to push her back.
ALFIE
I wanna fight!
Cookie and Alfie approach Caz who doesn’t budge from his stance. Cookie cracks his knuckles, attempting to intimidate but also preparing for battle.
CAZ
Why don’t you fight me one on one?
ALFIE
Shut up you greasy prick. Your mom still helps you take baths because you don't know how to wash yourself.
CAZ
At least my mom's not a WHORE.
ALFIE
at least my mom gets laid with hot guys, your mom could only get it with the ugliest guy on earth by your looks.
CAZ
I’LL MAKE YOU EAT THOSE WORDS!
Cookie just kinda stands and stares at them back and forth.
CAZ
Well come on! FIGHT ME THEN!
Cookie then grabs the front of Caz’s shirt and pulls back his fist to punch him.
CAZ (Unamused) *scoffs*
I’m not scared of a fist, punch me all you want.
Cookie freezes for a sec.
COOKIE (Pointing a threatening finger to Caz’s face)
*Sigh* Leave my sister and her friends alone!
CAZ (Slapping Cookie’s hand out of the way)
Are you kidding? Wow, Alfie. You can’t even get someone to fight for you.
Alfie’s eyes start to widen as he listens. Emotions start to run. Then he starts to glare with rage in his eyes as Caz goes on.
CAZ
I guess weak attract the weak. That's why that nymph of a cockroach always follows you arou-
POW!
Alfie lands a powerful punch to Caz. So powerful that Caz falls over. As he drops, so does his bag spilling out the CDs which Cookie grabs. Caz looks up from the ground with a bloody nose. Then they hear someone from the distance.
FACULTY MEMBER #1
Hey! What are you doing?
Two teachers walk up to them.
HILDA
It’s the cops! RUN!
Grub, almost in panic, devours the entire pizza slice before they all run away and scatter while Caz tries to run the opposite direction after being knocked down.
CAZ
You stay away from me! You- CAR SEAT SMELLING ASS!
Caz quickly scurries off. Cookie looks back for a second in confusion. “Car seat smelling?”. He joins the others running away.
KILLY (Waving while running away)
Hi Mr. Era!!
Mr. Era sort of stares speechless next to the other teacher. They make it to the other side of the school, a bit out of breath.
ALFIE
Hey, there's my mom!
you see her in the parking lot in her Hummer. she does a lil beep beep on the horn. Chira, Grub, Alfie and Hilda ride with Alfie's Mom while the siblings go together with Cookie's travel form.
CUT TO:
INT. LOCAL MALL - FOOD COURT
They’re all eating in the food court. Alfies mom is with them eating a burger. Cookie opens his burger looking at the contents leading him to sigh and grumble while he picks everything off individually, giving it to Killy.
COOKIE (a bit disgusted)
Ugh...here Killy.
He puts the pickles on Killy's burger wrapping. some people don't like pickles, whatever. Then he takes off the tomato...then the lettuce leaving it bare. then he takes the patty off the buns and puts them aside leaving him to just the patty which is the only thing he likes. Ted and Chuck are having fries with ketchup when Chuck double dips his fries.
TED
Ew don't double dip, dude.
CHUCK (Continuing to eat)
Shut up snowflake, we got the same spit.
TED
No we don’t! We’re adopted!
Hilda inspects her CD’s and finds they’re pretty scuffed. She simply sighs, having to accept her loss.
ALFIE (Talking with a full mouth of fries)
Sorry about the CDs… I’ll buy you new ones.
HILDA (Looking content)
It’s okay..I already ripped them anyways.
COOKIE
I just hope he doesn’t bother you guys anymore.
KILLY
That punch was crazy! You made his nose bleed!
Alfie stares silently, starting to blush.
ALFIE
Thanks for being there, I felt a lot more brave with a lanky dude like you next to me.
CLARA (leaning in to cookie)
You're such a sweetheart Cookie. Strapping young man :)
COOKIE (blushing a bit)
Haha ohh haha…
He scratches his cheek showing his wedding ring nervously.
Clara's curved smile turns into a straight line.
CUT TO:
INT. THE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
The parents are back home, checking in with how everything went. Seems the siblings explained the week to Evan’s dismay.
EVAN
You spent thirty of the emergency money on essential oils? Went into my drink stash and GOT DRUNK? WRESTLED A GORGE IN FRONT OF THE KIDS and BEAT UP A 10th GRADER???!!!
COOKIE
Ah- ah! Wait no! I was about to beat him up, but Killy’s friend punched him instead!
Evan stares in worry and anger.
KILLY
He’s not all bad! When we had to get to school he flew us over! Jumping up and down the street, it was so cool! :D
Evan stares at Cookie in shock and anger.
EVAN
Well, you failed the test. You’re never in charge again.
Cookie sighs, a bit disappointed.
CHUCK
Hmmm...welllll if the oldeeesst can’t be in charge then I guess the second oldest has to?
EVAN
I’m testing you next.
Evan takes his suitcase to his room to unpack.
EVAN
I’m taking a nap.
Sam watches Evan leave to whisper to the kids.
SAM
Any essential oil left?
COOKIE
No, I drank the rest.
SAM
*Sigh*...I’m very proud of you Cookie.
He pats Cookie’s shoulder and leaves to his room.
Cookie gets a smile, looking at the siblings.
COOKIE
Sorry guys. Guess that’s the end of cool fun dad.
TED
It was nice while it lasted.
KILLY
Yah, and you can still travel us around in secret!